Saturday I woke with a mission. A mission to act like a normal, average, everyday person. Not be the freak I am that is compelled to share my homebirth story with complete strangers. Not speak of politics or religion. Not talk too much.
I woke relatively early. Showered, filed my nails, put on mascara. Things were starting off OK. I looked in the closet and pondered what I’d wear. Figuring it would be black because 99% of my wardrobe is, I made a mental note to add a little color soon. I worried the girl was gonna think me a witch. And a pudgy one too as I couldn’t locate my spanx. Then I added a little more mascara, my secret ego booster. I was nervous.
See I was going on a blind date of sorts. My very good friend met a fellow blogger online and invited me along on their introductory lunch date. This was big. Not only because I was meeting someone new whose impression of me was completely untainted by, well, me…but I also wouldn’t so much as have to think of a poopy diaper for a whole afternoon.
I don’t get out a lot. I don’t get much me time either.
I had the time wrong and was blessed with an hour to kill before our lunch. I hit up the Goodwill for a little shopping and didn’t even check out the kids department. This day was all about me. Sixteen dollars, a dress, a skirt, and a magenta jacket later, I headed to my destination.
I arrived a few minutes early and parked in a shady spot. RED called and said she was running late. She told me I should go on in. “OK, ummm, No. I don’t do the whole meeting new people on my own thing well – at all.” Besides it was only five ‘til and I still needed to replace a missing button on my shirt. Wouldn’t want to make a bad impression.
I finished the mending and decided to be brave and head in. The whole time I’m channeling Stuart Smalley and telling myself “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough and doggone it people like you! Don’t talk too much and you’ll seem normal.”
I met Kate out front. We recognized each other because we’re both redheads. That was easy. Inwardly I was admiring her earrings and boldness for wearing bright colors. But my mouth is all “Hey, so sorry that I’m a few minutes late. I was in the parking lot sewing a button on my shirt sleeve.” Dang, why do I do this? Then I started to obsess about if I’d remembered deodorant or if something could be hanging out of my nose.
We went in and found a table. RED breezed in 10 minutes later. After I’ve already made the new girl question my sanity and her voluntary agreement to meet us. And I just kept talking. The waitress was getting annoyed that I couldn’t shut up long enough to decide what to order. After her third visit I just asked for a chef salad.
For the next 3 hours and 40 minutes I sent telepathic messages across to the table to RED. “PLEASE, please for the love of all that is good and wholesome, go find me some Pepto-Moutho!” RED was obviously not getting my vibes because she just kept bringing up bygones that caused me to chime in even more.
The waitress quit refilling our tea sometime during hour number two. We only took the hint and decided to move our little party to a nearby coffee shop after they flickered the overhead lights – as we approached the end of hour four.
When all was said and done I had spilled my guts about every minute detail about my life. But I had an absolute ball. It was a refreshing time with interesting grownups that were gracious enough to include me in their outing. I hope that I didn’t scare Kate. Her daddy told her to be careful because we might secretly be ax murderers. I don’t even want to know what she reported back to him.
Pie Pans & Pigtails 