Keeping it real…with limitations.

February 9, 2010 · Filed under & random things., has issues. · Tagged agression, bad words, censorship, compromise, cursing, cussing, keepsin' it real

I’ve got a problem. I need to vent in a bad way. Only I can’t because I made a deal with the husband that I wouldn’t swear on my blog. And by swear I mean cuss words, not promises. It’s seriously messing up my groove.

I’m gonna come clean. I am the potty mouth in the family. It’s no big secret. Trust me, there was full disclosure when he signed on for marital bliss. That’s just the way it is. Or was. And like I said, it’s messing with me.

Whoever came up with the notion that only small-minded people use swear words was a blankety-blank idiot. I have a huge mind. And I cuss like a sailor. But now only inside my head because I have kids and stuff. And my husband made me promise to keep it clean online.

So I have makeshift words to use as substitutes. Some started off as a swear word that I had to modify mid-sentence. They sound silly and make my kids laugh. But believe me, on the inside it’s the real deal.

“Snapshizzle” would be in place of a certain one that we’ll just call the “S” word. I get called out with the quickness if I let that one slip.

“Snapdangle” evolved from the aforementioned “Snapshizzle” and would be a suitable substitute for a variety of “D” words. Though “dangit” sometimes gets thrown around, my oldest cuts her eyes at me because she considers it too salty. I try to use it minimally.

I’m keeping “jack@ss” because it is an animal and I think you can say it on TV. I don’t watch TV, so I’m not positive. It’s staying regardless because it’s a necessity while driving. Besides I already gave up so much.

I have other favorites but my daddy reads this so I’m going to hush now. And I’m pretty sure my mama just cut me out of their will. Anyway, I feel like a *$%&#! pansy because I’m not keeping it real. Just thought you should know.